Camry Avalon
Camry Avalon
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US $25.00
Camrys Have a Problem
From www.caroftheday.org
I have a small problem. I don’t care for the Toyota Camry. And when I say “I don’t care” I really mean “I wish I had a Spy Hunter style missile launcher to destroy them.”
If there was a Camry Haters Anonymous I would attend the meetings and introduce myself with “Hi, my name is Gary, I’m a Camry Hater.”
Why do I hate the bestselling car in America? It is kind of a long story. I recognize that a Toyota Camry is a well made car. If you own a Camry, I mean no personal offense, but the Camry has no soul.
A Camry wasn’t made for people who like cars. A Camry has no idea of what is fun about driving. A Camry represents what would happen if Consumer Reports ruled the world.
If you have no passion about driving or cars, if you only care about getting from point A to point B, if you think of your car and your dishwasher in the same thought, then the Camry is right for you.
A Dishwasher and a car in the same thought? There isn’t a “The Truth about Dishwashers” website for a reason. A dishwasher is a dishwasher. It is a simple appliance that makes your life easier. People aren’t enthusiastic about their dishwashers. Even the yahoos at MTV don’t have a “Pimp My Dishwasher” show to further help the youth of America’s brain to leak out of their collective ear.
Paul Walker and Vin Diesel won’t be starring in a film entitled the “The Clean and the Cleanliness”, that highlights the underground world of dishwasher racing. We won’t hear cheesy lines like “I clean my dishes in a high speed, no spot cycle, in those ten minutes or less I’m free.” or “Ask any dishwasher, any real dishwasher, it doesn’t matter whether you clean your dishes with a drop or a gallon, clean is clean!”
That is because a dishwasher is a freaking appliance! There is nothing to be passionate about, it is just an appliance.
And that is my problem with the Camry, it is an appliance. It has no sporting soul. It’s not that “fun-to-drive” is low on the Camry’s priority list; it is that “fun-to-drive” isn’t even on the list, or on the list next to the list of good things about a Camry.
This hatred for the Camry is contagious to other cars that are related to the Camry.
Whenever I see a Lexus ES, I don’t see Lexus’ excellent entry level luxury sedan. I don’t see a car that is an amazing combination of value, quality and luxury. I see a tarted up Camry! I see Toyota tricking people in buying “Fancy Camrys”. I’m ticked at Toyota for tricking these people into buying a dressed up Camry.
When I see a Toyota Avalon I simply see a bloated over-sized Camry. The Corolla is simply a mini-Camry wannabe. A Highlander? I don’t see Christopher Lambert on his quest to be “The One.” I see a Camry SUV.
And the worst offender, the worst pretender, the most confusing vehicle of all is the Toyota Solara. I seriously can’t believe that people buy this car. I would rather eat glass than own a Solara.
I just want to grab the Solara owners and ask them “what were you thinking?” Were they even thinking? The Toyota Solara is an automotive oxymoron. It is the sporty Camry. I can’t imagine someone being a the car lot looking at a Camry thinking “this is a fine car and can probably do a fine job of cleaning my dishes, I wonder if there is a bloated coupe version of this car with a lame name?”
Do they even know that they just bought a Camry coupe? Or are they unsuspecting victims thinking they bought the cool Toyota coupe?
Because the Camry appeals to the people who don’t care about the joy of driving it attracts a disproportionate amount of bad drivers. The next time you on the road and there is an obliviot (oblivious idiots) doing a famous job of horrible driving, more often than not it will be a Camry or Camry-base vehicle. I’m talking about cars doing a 14-point turn on a 2 lane road, cars backing up the entrance ramp, cars sitting through green lights and driving 15 miles under the posted speed limit.
So that is my cross to bear. I hate the bestselling car in the country and am forced to see them everywhere. And if you hear of some horrible Camry hate crimes I promise it wasn’t me.
PS - There is one exception to my blanket Camry hate and that is the new V6 SE it has a bit of soul and some respectable performance numbers.
About the Author
Drag racer, automotive enthusiast, writer, car purchase consultant, comedian, and general speed freak writes about cars.
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